But right now, there’s an important concept you need to grasp: while you should lean on your loved ones during this time, ultimately there’s only one person who can get you through this: you.
You may feel lost, heartbroken, not even sure who you are anymore. You may feel your future’s been jeopardised, your life left in pieces, the foundations of your very being rocked. And yes—all of those things may well be true. And there’s no panacea to fix them, to make this right. Yet… there is so much you can do. It just has to come from within. Today I’m drawing on my career as a matchmaker, having helped hundreds of heartbroken singles get back on their feet—and most of the time, yes, find true love once again.
1) Don’t hide from your feelings
Be under no illusion: what you’re experiencing is a form of grief. That’s true even if you broke up with them—because you’ve still lost a fundamental element from your life.
With grief comes shock, fear, abandonment. But just as you must lean on those around you, so you must also lean into these negative emotions, rather than chase endless distractions to avoid facing reality. Without acknowledging and reflecting on your feelings, you can’t get past the breakup—or at the very least you’re massively delaying the process.
2) Remember what makes you happy
During a breakup, it’s vital to proactively focus on the positives in your life. Otherwise you’ll fixate on the negatives, obsessing over things that in reality are simply beyond your control.
It doesn’t have to be anything big—in fact, the smaller the better: rediscovering those little activities that used to bring you joy will remind you there’s a whole world out there, a whole life, waiting for your return.
Whether it’s taking your book to your favourite cafe, treating yourself to a spa day, or just going for a walk to feel the fresh air on your skin, actively bringing happiness into your life will motivate you to do so more often. In turn, over time your day will contain more moments and fewer moments of despair. Of course the heartbreak may remain for a long time yet—but at least you’re now taking measures to mitigate the pain. What’s more, getting out in the world with a smile on your face simply does make you feel better—and the world will feel better about you, too. Appreciating the little things and what you have is all part of healing. Loving yourself is all part of finding hope in the dark.
3) Don’t do what you know you shouldn’t
Physiologically speaking, being in love is similar to having an addiction. So when the source of that pleasure goes away, the withdrawal—the breakup—consumes you, sometimes literally: you may feel almost physically in pain. And when we’re in pain we behave irrationally or ill-advisedly—anything to make it stop.
This is where you must be careful of old habits kicking in, especially if they themselves have been a source of pain in the past. Whether your vice is drinking, comfort-eating, or using drugs, negative coping mechanisms will never serve you—and they’re the exact opposite of what you should be practicing as you get over the breakup. Be accountable to yourself. And if you don’t entirely trust yourself, ask your loved ones to keep you accountable as well.
You’re strong enough
There’s no easy way to say this: getting over a breakup is hard work. And work is the operative word: it takes active, conscious effort to deal with the negative emotions and channel that pain into something fruitful and productive.
But remember: you deserve to get over it—because you deserve love, and to be loved. You have it in you to get through this, even if that’s hard to imagine right now. Believe me: I have witnessed literally hundreds of heartbroken singles move past their breakups, and go on to either find love or simply contentment in their lives and who they are. You can do the same. And if you need a little support along the way, we’re here for you. Get in touch today, and one of our relationship experts will help guide you back to the right path.
