Posts tagged matchmaker

Top 10 dating tips

Dress smart but comfortably

Of course you want to look hot for your date, but what makes you look attractive is also being comfortable in your own skin, constantly fiddling with your outfit and hair, can make you look insecure. And dress appropriate for where you'll be spending your date, for example if you're just meeting to go walking round the park, chucking on your stilettos, may not be such a good idea, ending up limping with blisters is never a good look especially on a first date. Practical, but stylish is always a good way to go.

- Be yourself!

Sounds like an obvious one, but when first dating, it can be tempting to think you need to act a certain way in order to impress. But let's face it if you're hoping for a relationship, you can only keep up an act for so long, and why would you want someone to fall for anyone other than the true you. If they don't like you for who you are to start with, they're not for you.

- Don't drink too much

We've all done it, necked a good few glasses of wine, for Dutch courage, but over drinking on a date is a recipe for disaster for a number of reasons. Not only may you make a fool of yourself, but it also impairs your judgement, and you may end up jumping into bed with your date, and feeling pretty embarrassed about it with regrets in the morning. Two drinks maximum, if your date is pressuring you to drink too much, best thing to do is cut the night short, then end up on an all night bender. They'll definitely not lose any respect for you in doing so.

- Don't bring up your ex.

You may get asked why you're single, don't make it into a story about your ex, give a reason, which is short and sweet, and in relation to your current situation. Your singledom should actually be nothing to do with your past. Its about your present situation. If you get asked about why you broke up again, short and sweet is the way, and move on from the subject quickly. Certainly don't give the indication that you're bitter towards your ex, as it gives off signals that you're not really ready to fully move on.

Have in mind what you're looking for.

- Ask the right questions, but don't make it feel like an interview. A date should be about getting to know someone but more importantly about enjoying one another's company. Ask questions which show interest, but not in a way which appears as if you're simply fact finding. This can make a person feel interrogated, and not a way to create a comfortable atmosphere.

If you don't like something don't pretend you do

Just to make it seem as if you have everything in common with them. It's ok to have differences, it's great to have some things in common, like shared values, and interests. But just because you don't like all the same things as a person, doesn't mean they'll like you any less. Some of your differences may actually make you appear more interesting. And it may give you cause for some banter, which is always a good thing.

Get off your phone when on your date,

It doesn't matter how important your job is, or what you're friends are up to on face book, when you're out with someone you need to learn to switch off. Calls can be returned and texts can wait. If you literally have an emergency situation when you need to be on call, then its better you cancel your date, then to sit there constantly checking your phone. Your focus and attention should be on your date and your date only, its really that simple.

- Be positive.

When asked how your day or week has been, sure you may have had some stresses to deal with at work, and your may want to vent. But lets face it noone wants to be in a relationship with a moaner. Stay positive, you can be honest and say, you had a few situations to deal with, but always end on a positive note. And if your date has a bit of a moan, be supportive but try to see the bright side in the situation too, and not dwell on the negative.

Don't talk too much about yourself.

Of course its great that someone is showing an interest and wants to get to know you, but try not to get too carried away, talking about yourself, when asked questions, try to keep answers relatively brief, and keep the conversation flowing by asking about them in return. The conversation should be two way, when it ends up turning into a dialogue, your date will eventually switch off and lose interest. No matter how interested they are in you, if they feel you're too self centred it can prove to be a turn off.

Don't be afraid to say what you want.

- Often people are afraid to lay their cards on the table, for fear of the person running away. But if you are sure of what you want, why go along, playing the guessing game, wasting both your time. Be upfront and honest, and if it turns out you're not looking for the same things, better you know sooner rather than later down the line, kicking yourself for settling for less than you deserve. In the dating game, what you want is out there, you've just go to be in in to win it!

As featured in Female First magazine

Dating success in 2019

successdating.jpg

The new year marks the perfect time to start over and set goals in your life.

If you're single and stuck in a rut, dating coach Siobhan Copland says there's no better excuse than the beginning of 2018 to really take stock of your love life and de-clutter.

The professional matchmaker advises the best way to ring in the new year is to refocus your approach to achieve a healthier and romantic life.

But that means taking action and following several key steps including dumping the 'friend with benefits' who is draining your energy. 

Siobhan, who launched her own dating company Match Me Cupid in 2009, told FEMAIL why being selective when choosing a partner is not a failing but will help lead to a successful relationship: 'You're better off satisfying yourself until you find someone who is fully on your wavelength.' 

If you've been seeing someone casually it's time to cut them off and find someone who is willing to be available to all your needs not just sex

DUMP THE FRIEND WITH BENEFITS 

Seeing someone casually who 'fulfils certain needs' is a big no-no according to Siobhan, she says it's time to cut out the energy zapper.  

'When they’re not available at your beck and call, it becomes frustrating and could well be getting in the way of you being fully emotionally available when the right one comes along. 

'Best to leave that arrangement in 2017, and wait for the full package,' she said.

'Sex after all is also an exchange of energy, be picky with who you share your energy with.'

Go out and experience meeting people in person, that way you're not hiding behind online dating apps

FOLLOW A THREE DATE RULE

Before dating apps, people would get to know someone over a period of time giving a chance to get to know someones personality fully before making a call on whether they are right.

First date nerves are real, and you should make a call once you can see a person is relaxed with you.

Plus people always put on a bit of a show first date, but by the third you can usually see consistency in their character.

With todays fast paced dating landscape people are quick to jump back on the app after one date to see if anything better else is out there.

If you find someone physically attractive, and you didn’t have a mind numbingly boring time, give that person at least three dates to get to see them in different circumstances, and a chance for romance to develop. i.e First date could be a drink, second date could be an activity, and third date you could even offer them over for dinner or a take away. It also means you won’t be asking all the questions you want to know all on one date, which can make a person uncomfortable and like being interviewed, it will feel more natural, allowing them to reveal themselves over the course of dates.

STREAMLINE YOUR ONLINE DATING  

Siobhan also advises against spreading yourself too thin, instead if you are using online dating apps to stick to just one and improve your profile. 

'There is such a thing as app fatigue. Pick one app where you feel you can find your tribe. And keep your profile short and sweet.

Ask your friends to set you up on a blind date or seek the help of a matchmaking service to find a new partner

'Think of three things you would like to find in common with someone, and include it in your bio. Steer away from saying what you don’t want.' 

She says asking your friends for help in picking the right photos; but encourages women to wear a dress with heels and men should opt for a blazer and jeans to attract matches.  

GO ON A BLIND DATE

Siobhan says that your friends can be key to meeting someone, so ask them to set you up with a friend of a friend or even join a matchmaking service and get someone to do the hard work for you.

'Many successful relationships have developed as a result of having a blind date, like on the programme!

'They get to know a few things about a person before picking their date. You could have your own at home version, get your friends to line up a few prospects, and pick the one you most like the sound of.'

( As featured in the Daily Mail online)

Dating Etiquette Tips

(As featured in Female First Magazine)

he days of courting may seem to be a thing of the past, in today's fast paced dating world. However we needn’t forget our manners when it comes to dating behavior, here are my top 10 dating dos and don’ts.

Keep the conversation future focused

Be on time. One of the most common peeves for people when dating is poor time keeping. It's important to show that you value the other person's time as much as you value your own. Slackness when it comes to keeping to the arranged time, sets the tone for the date. If you leave your date to get a head start at the bar, while waiting for you, don’t be surprised if they head for the door, sooner rather than later. Many people have a limit on how long they are prepared to wait, before calling it quits. If you are going to be running behind, beyond your control, communicate your ETA in advance, along with your apology.

Plan a time to meet, which gives you more than enough time, taking potential transport delays into account, and date night is not the time to agree to overtime at work.

Put your phone away. What did we do before mobile phones? We had uninterrupted conversations. The best compliment you can give your date is your undivided attention. Taking calls, texting, snap chatting, instagraming that all can wait until you have alone time. If you wouldn’t do it during an interview, then it’s not date appropriate either. Even if your meal looks picture worthy.

Don’t clock watch. Unless you’re worried about the clock striking and your carriage turning into a pumpkin, watching the time appears rude. As does double booking your evening. If you’re looking for an escape route to cut your date short, simply cut the date short if you need to, and say you better be getting home as you have a super early start. Dashing off to meet friends because you've made other plans, will leave your date feeling a little robbed of time, and not much of a priority.  The least you can do is keep the evening free. Even if you are super popular, and spreading yourself thin. If you want a relationship, you need to show you are willing to make space for one first, not just squeezing one in.

Pay your date compliments on their appearance. A small compliment goes a long way, after all they will want to feel that they are attractive, and conscious of making a good impression. They may have spent considerable time and effort on wearing the right outfit, and grooming in preparation for meeting you. And if they compliment you, it is polite to thank them, and return a compliment. Anything from remarking on the colour they are wearing to complimenting them on their hair looking good, the smartness of their attire to simply saying, they look nice.

Which leads to, make an effort with you appearance, including grooming and keeping good personal hygiene.  Bad breath, body odors, and unkempt hair are not reasons why you want to be remembered. So ensure you arrive, looking and smelling fresh. Avoid eating smelly food if going for dinner, and if you're a smoker, and your date is not, try not to smoke while on the date, if you must, ask if they mind, and carry chewing gum and fragrance to remove the odour. Particularly if you are hoping for a kiss.

Be interested in them. Going back to giving them your undivided attention, ask questions which show you are interested in getting to know more about their likes and dislikes so you can find commonality. When asked questions, answer in detail, but find a way to bring the conversation back to them, people like people who show an interest in them, and who are open about themselves. Without telling them their whole life story, give them enough of an insight to leave them wanting to get to know you more.

Avoid talking about previous or upcoming dates. Particularly speaking about previous dates and exes, in a derogatory manner. Mocking others you have dated, only makes you appear insulting, and plants the seed, that they may well be the butt of future jokes.

If asked about previous relationships, keep the explanation brief, and allude to the fact you are not one to dwell on the past and are feeling positive about meeting the right partner now.

Don’t ask ‘ why are you single?’ It’s the most irritating question any single person gets asked, and suggests that something must be wrong with them. It doesn’t give you any more of a connection, even if you both answer the same. There are far more interesting ways you can find common ground. It's not like they are going to be getting references from exes. So why ask?

Follow up after the date, and check they got home safe.

Whether you think you’ve found the one of not, they have still given you their valuable time, which should be respected and acknowledged. Thanking them for their time, and checking they arrived home safe is the courteous thing to do. If you want to see them again, suggest meeting up another time. If you’re sure there is not prospect for romance. It’s better to be clear, rather than leave things hanging in the air.

Meet up a second time to be sure. In the days of choosing a partner through a quick swipe, it can be easy to quickly write someone off. But if you found them somewhat attractive, and had a good time in their company, but perhaps didn’t feel fireworks, consider meeting up a second time. This will help you to get to know them some more when there are less nerves, and perhaps in a different environment, where you may well see a different side to them. If a relationship is what you are after, it can take time to develop, so have patience with the process. Great relationships are built, not bought.

Questions before marriage

50% of marriages end in Divorce, so to ensure the odds are in your favour, it is worth asking some serious questions before making such a serious life long commitment.

What kind of friend are they?

Knowing how they treat their friends is very important. 1. Because they should start by being a friend to you. And 2. Their friends have more of an insight into the real them, before you do.

Are they supportive towards them? Are they the kind of friend that others seek for advice?

Do they motivate, encourage them, how do they deal with friends highs and lows. Are they sympathetic to the lows? Or do they have an attitude where they’d rather not hear about it?

Are they generous, giving freely, or hold account of every good deed, or feel begrudged when asked for help? Do they take an interest in their friend’s family? Are they considered to some friends ‘part of the family’.

Their attitude towards money

Regardless of how much money someone makes, it’s important to know their attitude towards money. A very common reason for divorce and bust ups in relationships, are money related.

It’s one of those subjects which people often feel uncomfortable discussing, but it’s something you need to bring to the table early on, especially if you’re going to eventually be in a situation of purchasing or saving with this person.

Are they a Shopaholic spender or a thrifty saver?

Is this person the kind who as soon as money reaches their hand its gone, or the kind who believes in budgeting, and saving for the future? Someone who works hard to put money aside would soon get frustrated with a person who is reckless with money. During the courting phase, a saver may not mind splashing a bit of cash on gifts and extravagant dates, but in a partnership it’s important to have an agreement in place, are you going to save together, have a joint account? It’s also worth knowing if this person has racked up any debts, especially if you’re to enter a mortgage together.

Their dreams

One of the nice things about getting to know someone is hearing about their dreams for the future. We all have dreams, but realistically not all end up pursuing them..

How does this person view their dreams, are they actively pursuing them or just talking about some pipe dreams. Do you share any of the same dreams? They don’t have to be career related, as it's perfectly normal to have different dreams in that area, but do you both dream of having a family for example. Or do they dream of going to live overseas? And how likely are they to pursue those dreams and how would it potentially affect your relationship?

Their goals

Does this person have any goals, they are actively trying to achieve? Or are they happy just to go with the flow, and be reactive rather than proactive towards what they get out of life?

When they talk about their goals, are you part of them?

And what’s the end goal? Someone may have many goals in terms of a career, and financial, but the end goal could simply be to provide for a family.

Find out what the main purpose of their goals is.

Their purpose

Following on from their goals, what is the purpose behind why they do what they do.

Is it for recognition, fame, personal development, a burning desire, to make a difference in the world? Finding out what they believe their purpose to be and the purpose to their actions tells you a lot about a person.

Their family

When you marry a person, you are not just marrying them, but effectively marrying the family too.

Are they on good terms with their immediate family, if not why? Does their family welcome you? And have you developed a bond with them? Having the family support when you and your partner are going through tough times, can really help keep you together. Do you like being around their family?

And how do your values compare when it comes to how much time is spent with family, or keeping in contact? If you are the sort of person who is on the phone to your parents daily, and see them a few times a month but your partner keeps them at arms length, that could pose a problem especially when it comes to having support when you have children together.

Do they want to have children?

Seems like an obvious one to be discussed before marriage, but some people wrongly assume that children will come part and parcel of marriage later down the line, only to discover later on that their spouse has no real interest in extending their family.

If they want to have children, ideally how many, and how soon would they want them?

What are their views on parenting?

Often people decide to have children together because they love one another, and both want children, but often don’t find out the others views on parenting, until the children already come along, which is kind of too late. When both parents have conflicting views on what parenting should look like. Things to take into account include, what you would want to teach your children, if you both have similar values, or and religious beliefs, for example, chances are you’ll have a similar message you want to portray.

Also what are their views on raising children? Are they going to be super strict, liberal, or somewhere in between? What was their own child hood like, and how does that impact their views on parenting? but what about things such a discipline?

Do you both agree on the way in which discipline should be shown? Such as if one parent believes in smacking a child, and the other strongly disagrees, how would you reach a compromise?

You don’t have to agree on everything, but similar views on how children should be raised, would give you a better chance of staying together as a family in the long run.

How they handle conflict

Do they accept sometimes you can agree to disagree? Are they able to express their opinions without being forceful with theirs? Do they walk away in a strop or give the silent treatment when it’s time to discuss matters? Are they willing to listen to your point of view?

Do they lose their temper easily? How do they manage their anger? How are they able to compromise? Do they forgive and forget quickly, or hold a grudge? And how do they like to resolve issues?

Their sex drive

People often underestimate how much compatibility also includes sexual compatibility.

Are they Mr or Miss Vanilla, or they a little freaky in the sheets? Are they happy to have it a few times a month, or are they randy most days?

Notably, work, stress, health issues may cause this to fluctuate, but judging on an average, when you’re happy, stress levels  are low and in good health, how often do you need to be having sex?

In the beginning of a relationship you may be at it like rabbits, due to an undeniable lust for one another, but long term, what’s going to keep you satisfied in the sack?

If one of you is happy to have it once a week after a candle lit dinner, and the other, needs it’s spontaneously twice a day every day. It’s not hard to see that sooner or later, it could be a problem.

What about sexual preferences. Do they have any particular fantasies, fetishes? And are you comfortable that you may be able to fulfil them in the long run?

Their attitude towards a work life balance

When people are single, they have the tendency to throw themselves more into work, and when they find the one they enjoy spending time with, hopefully spend less time doing overtime at the office, and start to enjoy more leisure. Although to some, being a workaholic is literally an addiction which is hard to break, don’t expect from getting married, that career person, is going to transform into homely house husband or wife, or change their habits at all.

It’s important to find out, how this person manages their work/life balance, as spending Friday nights alone, for extended periods of times, can soon make a person to feel neglected, and cause for resentment.

How much time will they have to spend with you, and would you be satisfied with that?

And how do they like to unwind?

Do they make you laugh?

Laughter is the cure of many ills. And it’s amazing how many people end up in relationships, where they can’t actually have a good laugh with the person.

What’s their sense of humor style. Are they sarcastic, dry, or witty? And do you laugh at their jokes out of politeness or do you really get it?

Can you make each other laugh? It’s a really bonding experience which is often underestimated. And couples, who can laugh together tend to sail through the good and bad times far easier.

What are their religious beliefs?

You don’t always have to believe in the same faith, but the important thing is knowing what you both believe, and how you express those views, are they willing to accept the views of others who have a different faith? And if you plan to have children, how do they want their children to adopt these beliefs?

What are their political beliefs?

Again like religion, you don’t necessarily have to have the same beliefs, but do they have any radical views, which could later cause conflict? What would their ideal world look like?  What changes would they like to see in the world, and how comfortable do you feel about that?

Their lifestyle choices

Do they drink once a week, or go out on a binge? Do they laze around on the couch at weekends, or lead an active lifestyle, regularly hitting the gym? Are they a smoker?

What are their vices, do they have any addictions or previous addictions? These are things to take into account, if you’re a fitness fanatic, are you going to be satisfied with a couch potato who’s down the boozer every night? And if they have a previous addiction, how might you handle it if it were to resurface?

What are their views on Marriage?

Marriage is of course not about just the wedding day, but spending the rest of your life together.

So aside from getting caught up in the excitement of diamonds, and frills, it’s important to know how they view the concept of Marriage itself.

Is Divorce ever an option and on which grounds?

What do they expect to change once you’re married?

And what essentially does marriage mean to them?