Dating as a woman in your 30’s

Changing Priorities and Goals

By the time you enter your 30s, your priorities are likely to have shifted significantly. Gone may be the days of the focus being of having lots of fun, often made up of boozy nights out in nightclubs, and perhaps even the carefree fun of casual relationships and one-night stands and focus being on impressing friends. As you approach your 30’s you may begin to realise the thrill of such encounters are often short lived and you no longer feel the need to succumb to pressure of peers of the need to impress them.

Your 30’s is a time when you may start to see the benefits of applying yourself with education and career, and be in a position where you are now more focused on taking care of your body and mind, you may have faced situations which affected you mentally, and may have started to see the affects of not taking care of your mind body and spirit in your 20’s and now health and well being, and an active and healthy lifestyle is more of importance.

The fun girls trips, may be replaced by more spiritual and culturally rich experiences, such as yoga retreats, enjoying more the aspect of being immersed in nature.

You may now also be thinking about not just getting an attractive looking boyfriend, but seeing more of the depths of character and values that are important to you.

Noticing your list changing to non-negotiable being things like, will not date a smoker, someone needs to have a solid career and goals for the future.

Friends and family may start to comment that you are picky.

And you may have formed some opinions about what you are and what you aren’t looking for based on previous experiences.

This can also be useful but at the same time can also prove to be blocks to finding love.

As sometimes the conclusions we make about the lessons we should take from previous dating experience may be more fear based rather than truth based.

For example, if you had an experience with a man who had a child from a previous relationship and this caused disruption in your previous relationship, such as for example the ex was causing issues in your relationship because of her jealousy that her ex had moved on.

You may tell yourself that you are never dating anyone with a child again.

When the reality may the man who is compatible with you on so many levels, may have a child. But is also very amicable with his ex and she has since remarried and had another child with her new husband, therefore the same outcome is unlikely to occur.

This is where working with a dating expert can help you to explore your current thoughts and beliefs and help you to release any limiting thoughts and beliefs which may be preventing you from progressing on dates.

Some tips and challenges for dating in your 30’s as a single woman

Share your goals and priorities early in the dating process. This ensures you’re on the same page and can save time and emotional energy. Is it great to communicate where you see your life going in the next few years, but also be mindful that it doesn’t come across as though you are trying to impress so much by leading with your ambitions and work-based goals. Don’t forget this is a date not a job interview, this is the time to talk about personal goals, so it could be something like I would love to find my husband and start a family in the next few years and focusing on more on home life.

This will require you to show some level of vulnerability. And this is important when trying to form an intimate relationship.

Limited Dating Pool

As friends marry or settle down, you may find your social circles shrinking. This can result in fewer opportunities to meet potential partners, and less people to go out with on the look out for potential partners too.

One of the solutions to this could be tapping into matchmakers networks, matchmakers have a network of desirable single people, and many have free database options for you to join, so you can be considered a match for their paid clients.

For guaranteed introductions you will need to pay a fee, but it is an investment in your future, and think of all the money you will be saving once matched up and sharing the same roof!

There are also singles events happening often in major cities, they can be quite random in who may turn up, again some matchmaking agencies put on events where their clients attend too, so get on their radar and look out for particular groups on places like city socialiser an meet up. Join a good gym, you find when you pay a little more than go for the cheapest gym option the calibre of people there tend to be a little more in line with what you may be looking for, and often people do arrange to meet for coffee after say a boot. camp or running club.

The apps

Of course, there are the apps. And you need to be good at presenting yourself, as unlike in person people are judging you within a couple of seconds, simply by how attractive you look in your photos. Yes, you will not like the feeling of having to advertise yourself as single, but it is a good way to really widen your pool of dating options. Once you get past that initial discomfort it can prove to be fun and effective.

Just having your banter ready, and don’t take too long to respond, as there are plenty more fish in the pool on apps, and people lose interest quick!

Keep messages light, fun, flirty, and maintain some mystery, send voice notes, and share photos of your day to be more engaging.

 Past Relationships

Entering the dating world with a history of past relationships can bring emotional baggage and trauma. You may have been through significant relationships or even marriages, which can lead to complicated feelings. Fear of repeating past mistakes or fear of getting hurt might also play a role in their dating approach.

Tip: Reflect on past experiences to gain insights into what you truly want. Consider seeking support from friends or therapists to navigate any lingering emotional issues and ensure you’re ready to move forward without bringing past relationship issues into a new one.

Pressure from Society and Peers

Societal expectations can weigh heavily on women in their 30s, leading to pressure to settle down or start a family. Friends and family may inadvertently contribute to this anxiety, creating a sense of urgency in finding a partner.

Tip: Focus on your journey and what makes you happy. Surround yourself with supportive people who respect your choices and timeline, rather than those who impose their expectations on you. And let them know how it makes you feel and set a boundary that you do not wish to be asked about your dating life, that you are looking and will be sure to let them know when there is someone worth meeting.

Balancing Independence and Partnership

You are likely to know have an established careers and a strong sense of independence. This can sometimes create challenges when trying to balance personal independence with the desire for a romantic partnership. Navigating how much to compromise for a relationship without losing one’s identity can be tricky.

Tip start to create some space in your life for a partner before they even come along, so it doesn’t feel like such a big change when they want more of your time, so carve out some time in your week where you don’t always have to be busy and working constantly. Becoming a workaholic is also something often single career women find themselves becoming, and those habits can then become difficult to break once in a relationship.

Being too busy for someone, and not asking for help or support because of being so used to doing everything yourself.

Practice receiving and asking for things early on, can be something as small as, do you mind holding my bag for me, as its too heavy for me. Those little gestures and signals which signal to a potential partner that you do have a requirement for a man.

Increased Expectations

As experiences accumulate, many women develop clearer expectations regarding what they want in a partner. This clarity is beneficial but can also lead to disappointment when potential matches don’t meet these higher standards.

Tip: Maintain a balance between having standards and being open-minded. While it’s vital to have non-negotiables, also recognize that perfection is unrealistic.

Not setting has become such a popular movement, that it is meaning many just aren’t settling down in time to have a family.

Waiting for something that isn’t going to show up.

Stick to your values, but everything else should really be about being curious and exploring a connection to see where it leads.

And no, you are not wasting anybody’s times, anything in life requires some time and patience to amount to anything, and no matter the outcome there will always been valid learning and also new experiences and insights gained

Health and Fertility Concerns

For those considering starting a family, concerns about fertility can loom large in the dating landscape. Women may feel a sense of urgency to find a partner to start a family, which can complicate the dating experience.

*Educate yourself about fertility options, and don’t be afraid to discuss your desires with potential partners. This transparency can help establish trust and facilitate connecting with like-minded individuals. Consider options such as egg freezing to give you more time to find a partner and establish a relationship.

Dating in your 30s presents its own set of challenges for women, ranging from societal pressures to navigating serious relationships. However, this stage of life also brings growth, clarity, and the opportunity to forge meaningful connections. By staying true to yourself, embracing new experiences, and communicating openly, you can successfully navigate the dating landscape and find a partner who complements your life. Remember, this is your journey; embrace it with confidence and joy! And remember to have fun, its not all fun anymore, but no fun is not going to work either!

And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, Cupid in the City are here to help. Our expert matchmakers offer a judgement-free space for you to explore your feelings and assess the dynamics of your relationship. Sharing your thoughts with a neutral party can clarify what you truly want. So, don’t hesitate to get in touch—we’re here to guide you on your dating journey

Siobhan Copland