Is It True Love—Or Are We Just Coasting?

You’ve been dating for a few months now—maybe even a year.

 

You’ve crossed off every couple’s bucket list activity you can think of: hiking scenic trails, that fun little road trip where you got lost (and argued over directions), the romantic getaway at your potential future in-laws’ house.

You’ve met each other’s families, mingled with each other’s friends. Now The Question lingers:

Where exactly is this going?

And—while it’s hard to admit—you’re starting to wonder whether all these adventures and busy weekends are masking something deeper. Sure, there was an undeniable spark at the start—who doesn’t love the whirlwind of new love? But now, are the two of you trying to revive something that might not be coming back—or just settling into the natural rhythm of comfort? How can you tell whether life has slipped into a dull routine or you’re truly content?

Comfortable—or just bored?

Let’s start with this simple question:

Am I genuinely happy with the routine we’ve settled into, or am I constantly looking for new ways to shake things up?

Now, don’t get me wrong—wanting to add excitement to your relationship is totally normal. But if you feel you’re always pushing for something to reignite a dwindling flame, it might be time to pause and reflect.

Think about it. Is it just a part of your personality? Some people are adrenaline junkies at heart, always craving excitement. Or maybe—and this is where it gets tricky—there’s a subtle discomfort in your relationship that’s quietly eating away at you. And it’s vital to figure this out sooner rather than later, not just for your own peace of mind, but also out of respect for your partner. Long-term boredom can choke a relationship, leading to resentment and frustration.

I’ve seen this happen before with a friend of mine. Her relationship was picture-perfect—cute dates, holidays, weekend getaways—but behind the scenes she felt stifled. Over time, the boredom led her to resent her man. She found herself checking out guys at the gym, fantasising about singledom. She didn’t like the person she was becoming, and the worst part? She hadn’t even realised it was boredom making her feel that way.

If you’re daydreaming about single life more than you’d care to admit, it might be time to evaluate the relationship.

The peace that comes with comfort

On the flipside, being genuinely comfortable is a completely different experience. It’s not about anxiety or a desperate need to shake things up, it’s about feeling safe, familiar, and yes, even predictable—but in a good way. The absence of that urgency to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ things? That’s a sign you’re comfortable. And the best part about comfort? You’re not constantly yearning for what might be out there. Sure, you might want to spice things up once in a while, but it’s not because you’re unsatisfied—it’s because you really enjoy sharing those moments with your partner.

Think about those times you’re apart. Do you feel anxious about seeing them again, or are you excited for that next evening on the sofa together? If you’re still living separately, do you look forward to date night, or are you looking for excuses to cancel?

Comfort doesn’t equal boredom

Here’s where it gets tricky: sometimes, we mistake comfort for boredom.

Especially if you’re not used to being in a long-term relationship, the initial intensity of the ‘honeymoon phase’ can wane, leaving you wondering if something’s wrong.

It’s normal to feel a little confined or even restless sometimes, but don’t jump to conclusions. Reflect on what’s happening internally and, if you feel confident enough, talk it through with your partner.

Is it time for The Talk?

If you’re feeling like the relationship might be losing its sheen, that doesn’t automatically mean it’s over. Before you start drafting that breakup text, consider having an honest conversation with your partner. Don’t underestimate the power of open communication. If you’re both willing to work on things, you can rekindle the flame of a relationship that right now is losing its heat.

You don’t have to worry about this alone

At Cupid in the City, our expert matchmakers aren’t here to judge—we’re here to give you thoughtful, non-judgmental advice, based on having helped hundreds of couples work through their issues and nurture the love that was there all along. Get in touch today, and let’s help you figure out what you truly want.

25th Oct 2024 | 4 min read

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